


You

by gyuhyun



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Friendship, M/M, Multi, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 17:43:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2630630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyuhyun/pseuds/gyuhyun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes all of Kyuhyun not break at that moment that day but in the end he just does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You

Kyuhyun stared solemnly out into the window from his bed. It’s not like the night sky was pretty or breathtaking. Nothing like that at all. It’s only because he had nothing good to stare at in his shared bedroom. Everything inside his room kind of just hurt him whenever he decided to just glance at them. He’d rather stare at the dull night and pretend it’s the prettiest he’d seen.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He’d obviously gotten worse since yesterday. There was no point in denying it anymore that he wasn’t okay because it’s written all over his face, his actions, just everything about him screamed he was depressed but he refused to talk to anyone about it. He’s been able to live with it for two years now with just him knowing, he’s pretty sure he can keep on going.

The door made a small sound that alarmed Kyuhyun but he quickly pretended to be asleep so he could avoid any contact with the person who was slowly opening the door.

Sungmin tried his best not to make any noise as he entered his shared room with Kyuhyun. He knew it was futile because the floorboards still made small sounds as he lightly stepped on it and he also knew, for a fact, that Kyuhyun was still awake. Sungmin glanced sadly at the bed where Kyuhyun lay as he walked passed it.

Sungmin resisted the urged to sit on Kyuhyun’s bed and wake him up and talk to him. He’s not heartless, he’s noticed too how Kyuhyun’s been acting a little bit depressed and out of it. And he’s not the only one who’s noticed. Everyone has begun to wonder what exactly is wrong with their maknae. So okay, maybe he isn’t just a little bit depressed.  
Deciding the effort was pointless, Sungmin just headed to the shower. Even if Sungmin and Kyuhyun were close, things between them don’t seem like that anymore, not lately. Sungmin exasperatedly sighed. He doesn’t exactly know how that happened. They seemed fine, and albeit they’ve been talking less and less than usual, at least they were talking. Not like now, they barely even said a word to each other, even when they’re in the same room.

Sungmin let the hot shower run through his head to clear his mind. It hurt to think that it was his fault but he knew it was. Because he can clearly remember that this all sort of started when he started dating Eunhyuk.

Who else could he blame? Certainly not Eunhyuk. If he blamed Eunhyuk that was just wrong. He can’t blame his boyfriend for matters that are out of his hand. He doesn’t like it but at that moment he wondered if he hadn’t started dating Eunhyuk, would Kyuhyun never become this way? Would they never have this rift between them separating them from each other?

Sungmin stopped the shower and shook his head, ridding himself of these thoughts and questions, as well as drying his hair. He shouldn’t be thinking like that. He didn’t even know why it came to that but he did notice that ever since he and Eunhyuk started dating, Kyuhyun had become distant and it hurt to realize that just now, when he just celebrated his 3rd year anniversary with Eunhyuk.

He exited the bathroom and started to dress up. He put on some sweat pants and a really loose t-shirt. He dried his hair with his towel and sat down on the bed once again watching Kyuhyun lie in his bed. This time he knew Kyuhyun was asleep. He doesn’t know how or why he knows but he just does. Maybe it’s something you learn from living in the same room together for years now. He shrugged and just continued to watch the back of Kyuhyun as he breathed steadily.

Sungmin looked at the digital clock on his desk side table. It was beaming at him saying ’12:23 AM’. He thought about his schedule for the day, as well as Kyuhyun’s and remembered they didn’t have work until later in the afternoon, meaning they didn’t have to wake up early. His mind managed to conjure up a debate of whether to wake Kyuhyun up and talk to him or not. He didn’t want Kyuhyun suffering like this anymore but at the same time he didn’t know if he was treading on a territory he couldn’t cross.

After a few more minutes, he gave in to the messages his heart gave him rather than the advice his brain was giving him.

Sungmin walked slowly to Kyuhyun’s bed, sitting on the side so he was facing Kyuhyun’s back. He can’t remember the last time they’ve been this close. It felt weird and exciting.

Sungmin stroked Kyuhyun’s back feeling the warmth emanating from it onto his slightly cold hand. He felt a little warmed by the action.

“Kyuhyun ah. Kyuhyun ah, wake up.” Sungmin said softly.

Kyuhyun was already awake the moment Sungmin stroked his back. Sungmin had stopped doing things like these to him. It gave him those kinds of goose bumps he’s afraid of ever feeling. He tried not to make it obvious as he tried to shut his eyes tightly.

Kyuhyun scooted a little fearing he might not be able to keep pretending anymore if Sungmin continues to coo him awake like that and stroke his back at the same time. He whimpered as Sungmin continues to coo him awake but stopped stroking his back.

“Leave me alone.” Kyuhyun softly murmured in a voice he tried to make groggy from sleep, which wasn’t all that hard because he technically did just wake up.

“Kyuhyun.” Kyuhyun pretended he didn’t hear the way Sungmin’s voice sounded broken.

“Come on, Kyuhyun, wake up.” Sungmin said softly as he coaxed Kyuhyun to wake up, the latter only moving farther away from Sungmin’s touch.  
Sungmin frowned and tried to think of something else to wake Kyuhyun up.

When no idea sparked his mind, he considered giving up. If Kyuhyun didn’t want to participate in this why should he even bother?

Even though it broke Sungmin’s heart to know that he no longer held the title as the person Kyuhyun could confide in, Sungmin reluctantly and slowly got off Kyuhyun’s bed to proceed to his own. He can already foresee that sleeping would be hard tonight. He sighed heavily.

Kyuhyun relaxed in his position as he began to go back to sleep. He turned in his bed so he could see Sungmin’s back through his almost closed eyes. He prayed that Sungmin would hurry up and lie down already because it had already been a few minutes and Sungmin seemed to have barely moved an inch or a centimeter. If he was going to judge the sound of Sungmin’s footsteps though it would seem he hadn’t moved at all. He decided to just leave Sungmin alone and turn his back to him, if Sungmin didn’t want to sleep, why should he care?

Sungmin turned around and he looked down on Kyuhyun. He decided that he wasn’t going to give up. Screw with the titles. He’s a hyung and he cared for his dongsaeng and that should be enough reason.

“Kyuhyun.” Sungmin said his tone demanding in a way that you couldn’t ignore. Kyuhyun snapped his eyes open. Sungmin had never really needed to use that kind of tone to Kyuhyun so Kyuhyun was a bit shocked.

Kyuhyun was stubborn and therefore, despite the tone Sungmin had used, he decided he wasn’t going to get up. Just as he was about to close his eyes again, Sungmin had yanked his arm to whirl him around. Kyuhyun was now facing an irritated Sungmin. He was a bit shaken but then the feeling disappeared and was replaced with annoyance.

“Look, I know you don’t want to talk. I know I’m probably not the best person to confide in considering how bad of a friend I’ve been to you these past few years. But you have a problem, Kyuhyun. And I’m still your hyung and I care about you. So, whether you like it or not, you will tell me what your problem is!” Sungmin reprimanded his face a little flushed with anger and pent up emotion he didn’t know was building up inside him.

Kyuhyun glared at his hyung. I’m still your hyung and I care about you. That particular line had struck a nerve in his being. He could feel the tears he was trying to stop form a pool at the corner of his eyes.  
“You’re right. Actually, you know what, you’re not ‘probably the best’, you’re the worst!” Kyuhyun exclaimed because Sungmin hadn’t been a hyung to him in a long time. Kyuhyun knew it was wrong of him to say but he couldn’t stop himself. It was what he’d been thinking about for the longest time now.

Sungmin had his arm ready to slap Kyuhyun at his disrespectful remark but Kyuhyun had stopped him. Kyuhyun sat up and looked straight into Sungmin’s eyes. Sungmin could see the anger, hatred, pain and a whole lot more of emotions.

It tore Sungmin apart to have to look at those eyes. He felt even guiltier as he realized that Kyuhyun’s eyes always held these kinds of emotions and that he only noticed now. Almost immediately, he’d forgotten why he’d wanted to slap Kyuhyun. Deep inside, he knew Kyuhyun was right, after all.

“Sure hyung, slap me. Prove to me just how great of a hyung you are.” Kyuhyun’s tone made Sungmin cringe, not to mention, the way Kyuhyun had a death grip on Sungmin’s wrist was also making things worse. It hurt but it wasn’t near to the pain his heart was suffering.

“Kyuhyun.” Sungmin managed to breathe out as he caressed Kyuhyun’s face with his free hand, wiping at a lone tear in the process.

It took Kyuhyun by surprise and it was enough for him to quickly withdraw his hold on Sungmin’s wrist and push away the hand that was caressing his face. Although Sungmin had barely said anything harsh to Kyuhyun to make him cry, he couldn’t stop himself. He felt stupid for feeling so weak. He felt stupid for crying because it hurt him to know that Sungmin still cared.

“Stop it, hyung. You’re only making things worse.” Kyuhyun muttered as he lowered his head, turned away and made to lie back down in his bed and try to cover his face with his blanket. Kyuhyun was pretty sure he’d be crying soon.

Sungmin was at a loss for words. Now that Kyuhyun seemed to be on the verge of crying, he knew he just couldn’t give up. He sat on the edge of the bed and stroked Kyuhyun’s arm through his blanket. He was determined to try again, even harder this time.

Kyuhyun groaned at Sungmin’s stubbornness. He felt the tears slowly trickle down the side of his head and he really didn’t want Sungmin to see him crying and he certainly didn’t want to tell him why.

“Kyuhyun, come on. It could be just like old times. I’d listen to your problems. I won’t judge you. Look, it’ll help you, trust me. It always did back then, right?” Sungmin edged a little closer to Kyuhyun as he too became teary-eyed because he had never seen Kyuhyun this vulnerable.

On the other hand, Kyuhyun was trying his best not to make sobbing noises as the tears became a bit more uncontrollable with Sungmin’s reminder of how close they used to be. The memories had tugged at his heartstrings and broke the dam that was holding all of Kyuhyun’s feelings.

Thinking Kyuhyun might’ve fallen asleep, Sungmin shook Kyuhyun’s arm to wake him up. Kyuhyun didn’t respond. Sungmin thought that he might as well have been dead with the way he wasn’t even moving.

“Kyuhyun, you can’t run away from this.” Sungmin said as he let go of Kyuhyun’s arm. “I’m not going to let you. You know better than to run from your problems –“

“Shut up! Just. Stop it! You don’t know what my problems are and therefore you have no right to tell me whether I’m running away from them or not!” Kyuhyun yelled as he sat up from the bed cutting off Sungmin’s sentence. Sungmin was taken aback with the way Kyuhyun replied but remembered to retaliate. He stood up abruptly and turned to face Kyuhyun.

“Then tell me what your problem is, Kyuhyun! Tell me what’s going on with you so –“

“MY PROBLEM IS YOU!”

Sungmin’s eyes were wide with shock. He hadn’t expected that kind of answer. Kyuhyun was breathing heavily as he looked away from Sungmin.  
“You’re my problem, hyung.” Kyuhyun’s voice was soft and weak and it sounded scared. Sungmin could barely recognize the voice because of its frailty.

It didn’t really take Sungmin long to digest what Kyuhyun had meant but somehow he wished that Kyuhyun’s sentence wasn’t over. That it had something more so that he could keep denying the fact he just heard a confession.

“I’m in love with you hyung and that’s my problem.” Kyuhyun’s mind was swimming with thoughts, most of it is just telling him to pour everything out. Tell Sungmin everything and get it off his chest. Kyuhyun wiped at the tears that had been falling.

To say Sungmin was disappointed with the next sentence would be an understatement. Actually, he wasn’t even sure what he was feeling.

About a million different thoughts had begun to run around in Sungmin’s head, but they were all about Eunhyuk. It was inappropriate and wrong but he couldn’t think of anything else. Kyuhyun was in front of him confessing and he just can’t believe it! He felt guilty and it brought about another million more thoughts of Eunhyuk.

From Eunhyuk’s smile to the time they had their first fight. He even remembered how Eunhyuk had asked him out. He didn’t know why but that was all he could think of, aside from the fact that he also wanted to disappear right now.

Somehow, he knew that this might have been brought upon by guilt but Sungmin wasn’t sure who he was guilty to, Eunhyuk or Kyuhyun. He pushed the thoughts away as best as he could. He needed to think of a reply to Kyuhyun, although he was already pretty sure what it would be.

Sensing that Sungmin had no plans of stopping him, Kyuhyun quietly got his pillow and blanket. He wiped the continuous flow of tears from his eyes and got off the bed and stood up and walked with heavy steps toward the door. It wasn’t even his third step yet when Sungmin had called him out.

“K-Kyuhyun wait…” Sungmin’s tone was pleading and it made Kyuhyun wonder why Sungmin cared so much. Sungmin caring made things an even bigger mess. Even though Kyuhyun hadn’t wanted to stop walking, he obeyed but didn’t turn around to face Sungmin.

The air around them was filled with suffocating silence. Sungmin found it a little hard to breathe. He seriously had no idea what he was going to tell Kyuhyun. But he had to try to at least help him; he was his hyung after all.

“Where are you going, Kyu?” Sungmin said using the nickname he hadn’t used in quite a while. Kyuhyun winced a little at the way Sungmin said ‘Kyu’, sounding so endearing.

Kyuhyun bowed a little making his fringe cover his eyes, embarrassed with the way he looked, but it wasn’t like Sungmin could see his face since he had his back to him.

“I’m leaving. I can’t sleep in this room with you bugging me.” Kyuhyun harshly replied, taking that third step only to be stopped again by Sungmin’s soft wavering voice.

“Kyuhyun we have to talk about this.” Sungmin said his voice a bit broken and confused because he was still a bit clueless as to how he could help Kyuhyun. Aside from making him talk to him, there was nothing else to this brilliant plan of his.

“What for!? What’s the point, Sungmin hyung!?” Kyuhyun said whipping his head around so Sungmin could see how red his eyes and face were. It hurt Sungmin to know that this was his entire fault, even if he did it indirectly.

“Do you really want me to narrate to you just how much looking at you right now hurts me? Do you want to hear how hard it is to wake up every single day having to see you smile that stupid smile in the direction of Eunhyuk hyung? Do you really want to hear!? Tell me! Do you!?” Kyuhyun spat out as angry tears began to fall down his cheeks in a continuous flow.

The sound of Kyuhyun’s breathing was the only thing they could hear in the room. It was heavy and suffocating as it contained all the stress Kyuhyun had been carrying for the past few days or years. Sungmin hadn’t known what to say to Kyuhyun’s words.

Things slowly began to make sense to Sungmin, little by little. All of a sudden, he knew why Kyuhyun and he weren’t so close anymore. All of a sudden, he knew why Kyuhyun seemed sad most of the time. Most of all, he knew why he was so broken.

He didn’t know what compelled him to do it, but Sungmin found himself hugging Kyuhyun. Trying to comfort him the best way he could. Kyuhyun stood enveloped in Sungmin’s arm shocked at what his hyung had done. They haven’t hugged like this in a long time, or at all since Sungmin had gotten a boyfriend. But this was a different kind of hug. They both knew it didn’t hold anything promising.

“I’m sorry.”

That was all Sungmin could say. He knows it’s not what Kyuhyun needs but he knew better than to lie. He couldn’t reply to that confession with an ‘I love you, too.’ It would be a lie.

“I’m so so sorry.”

This time he apologized for all the pain he’d caused Kyuhyun. He hoped that somehow Kyuhyun understood the order of his apology. But he knew Kyuhyun did. Kyuhyun was always good in deciphering his thoughts.

Reluctantly, Kyuhyun wrapped his own arms around Sungmin. Sungmin felt the weak arms wrap itself around his waist and it took all of his will power not to cry at how broken Kyuhyun seemed at that moment.

Everything was quiet with only Kyuhyun and Sungmin’s breathing as the sounds that could be heard in the room. It’s not an awkward silence but a silence that is spent with comforting Kyuhyun who used this moment of peace to cry his breaking heart out.

It only took a while before Kyuhyun finally calmed down. He tightened his grip on Sungmin’s waist. “I love you so much.”

It was barely a whisper but Kyuhyun had said it so close to Sungmin’s ear, he had no choice but to hear.

The words escaped Kyuhyun’s mouth before Sungmin can even react to Kyuhyun calming down. It still shocked Sungmin as to how deep Kyuhyun’s love for him could go. He smiled a sympathetic smile and began to withdraw himself from the hug. Despite the confession, he still loved Eunhyuk more than Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun was only like a brother to him.

“I know Kyuhyun, but…” Sungmin paused, studying Kyuhyun’s face to see if he should continue. Kyuhyun gave him a small smile already knowing what Sungmin was going to say. Kyuhyun had always known. He’d already seen this moment coming or rather had imagined it repeatedly in his mind.

“But I’m still in love with Eunhyuk and nothing’s going to change that. I really am very sorry. I know it’s not the best way to comfort you, and you’re right this was a very bad idea, but at least now you get some kind of closure. At least now, you’ll be able to move on without the what ifs, right?” Sungmin said his hands placed on Kyuhyun’s shoulders.

“Yeah, thanks hyung.” Kyuhyun squeezed Sungmin’s palms and slowly slipped away from his hyung’s hold. Despite the pain, he was glad he had finally been able to talk about it. Sungmin was right about that. Kyuhyun smiled at Sungmin, he wasn’t sure what kind of a smile it was but it was the best thing he could offer. He got the pillow and blanket he accidentally dropped on the floor.

“What are you doing?” Sungmin questioned.

“I’m sorry hyung but I can’t sleep here today. It’s a bit hard for me right now. It still kind of hurts. I’ll get through this don’t worry. I have been for a long time now. I’ll be at Henry’s place for a while.” Kyuhyun said as he grabbed a few more things and headed to exit their room. Sungmin was shocked that Kyuhyun was ready like he’d planned this whole thing. He doesn’t know that Kyuhyun had been doing this for quite a while now.

“Before I go, hyung, I just want you to know: I love you, hyung and I will probably never love anyone like I loved you. It will always be you, hyung. Just you.” Kyuhyun didn’t turn to face Sungmin. He was afraid if he looked back, he’d do something drastic like kiss Sungmin. He had tears again brimming in his eyes and he tried his best to stop them from falling. Sungmin bit his lip to stop himself from crying as well.

With that Kyuhyun closed the door, left the dorm and headed to Henry’s apartment. As soon as the door closed, Sungmin had broken down and cried. He doesn’t know why he cried as the only thought in his mind was that Eunhyuk had never said anything to him like that.

Kyuhyun didn’t come home for a month. Sungmin and Kyuhyun only saw each other at work and even then they barely talked. They only exchanged small hellos and that was it.

When he did come back, Sungmin could see in Kyuhyun’s eyes the love he still had for Sungmin but they no longer held the pain Kyuhyun had been keeping bottled up inside of him. Sungmin could tell that his coming back meant something. That Kyuhyun would no longer distance himself from Sungmin, that they were going to be okay at the end of the day, and that they’d begin to go back to being friends again.

Sungmin slowly approached Kyuhyun and they embraced each other, basking in that warm feeling that was different from their last hug.

Kyuhyun had finally pieced his broken heart.


End file.
